Healthy Marriage Tip #30

Do all that you can do to create an environment of encouragement in your marriage where your spouse will feel loved and accepted. Begin by respecting your spouse as a gift from God to help you become a better person. Honor your spouse’s feelings and his/her ability to think and reason with understanding and respect.

Healthy Marriage Tip #29

Did you know that what happens in the first four minutes you are together after being apart during the day sets the tone for the rest of the evening? Prepare yourself with an attitude adjustment and delay complaints until later. For military couples, think about this when you talk on the phone or via email.

Healthy Marriage Tip #26,27, & 28

#26
Kiss for at least 10 seconds in the kitchen today in front of the children. Don’t have any children at home? Kiss for 30 seconds! Military couples will need to be creative with this one. Maybe send a kiss via email or through the phone line when talking to each other.

#27
Be kind to your spouse today. Think of a new and specific way in which you can show kindness toward your spouse.

#28
Remember this: You are responsible for your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and behavior. In your marriage, you influence, not determine, your spouse’s thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and behavior. You are not responsible for your spouse’s thoughts, beliefs,
feelings, and behavior.

Healthy Marriage Tip #25

Make time today for fun and friendship in your marriage. Take a walk together, play a game, go out for ice cream, or just sit next to each other and share your dreams for your future. For military couples, discuss with each other what you want to do when you are back together.

Healthy Marriage Tip #24

Rituals in marriage are an important means of staying connected and maintaining continuity in your marriage. One husband has had a single rose delivered to his wife’s office every Monday since they were married. Another couple takes 10 minutes after dinner each evening to talk about their life that day. Do you have any marital rituals? Do you need to resuscitate them or begin a new one this week? For military couples separated by current events, what are the rituals that you can establish while you are away from each other?

Healthy Marriage Tip #23

Surprise your spouse today with a love gift. It could be something you purchase or something you do. For military couples separated by current events, sending flowers, poetry, a homemade CD of favorite songs, stuffed animals, DVD’s, books – anything that would be special to your spouse for them to keep and to keep them informed about the things you’ve seen/done/read.

Healthy Marriage Tip #22

Give up the desire to change your spouse. Accept your own and your spouse’s limitations and focus on the strengths you both have. What are three strong points about your marriage? Think about those today instead of what’s wrong with your marriage.

This is not meant to minimize or ignore changes that need to take place in all of our marriages. Sometimes we can become so focused on what needs to change that we fail to celebrate what’s good about our marriages.

What will you do today to protect what’s good about your marriage from the seemingly unsolvable problems you may be facing?

Healthy Marriage Tips #19, 20, & 21

Healthy Marriage Tip #19
Never threaten divorce. If you have used this threat out of anger, go to your spouse and apologize. Renew your commitment to your marriage and to work through whatever problems you face.

Healthy Marriage Tip #20
How’s your love life? Many couples find it helpful to spend some time discussing the following questions:

1. Who initiates lovemaking in our relationship and is there anything that could improve it?
2. When does lovemaking happen and how could we improve it?
3. Where does the lovemaking encounter take place and would we like to make some changes?
4. What is pleasurable for each of us during the lovemaking and is there something new we would like to try?

For military couples separated by current events, make plans to have this discussion when you are able to be together.

Healthy Marriage Tip #21
When conflict begins to escalate, call a “Time Out” and either try talking again using less volatile words or agree to talk later at a specified time.

Healthy Marriage Tip #18

Give thanks for your spouse. What are three things about your spouse for which you are grateful? Write a simple love note expressing your appreciation and mail it to your spouse. The element of surprise will make this even more special.

Healthy Marriage Tip #17

Ask your spouse what one thing you could do for them today that would show your love and then do it with joy and enthusiasm. Of course, I expect you to use your own judgement as to whether their request is made in good will or not.